Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
did i just pee glitter
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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