Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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