So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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