Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
