So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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