it was like eating out sand paper
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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