I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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