That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
