all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
