Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
