The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
