I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
