i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
