Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
"it" just moved
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
