She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
