Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm too high and old for this...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
