He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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