I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
