what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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