Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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