please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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