Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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