you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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