cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
