what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
