i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
