I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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