I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
