I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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