i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
