if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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