he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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