I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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