Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
