I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
