I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
