how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
