I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
