I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
This is the prime rib incident all over again
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
