it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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