I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
