The maid of honor just puked.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The air taste purple.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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