I have demons in me.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My vagina just recognized that song.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
