got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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