i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
