listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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