Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
