you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
