as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
