Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
