I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
