if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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