There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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