Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I pour the whiskey from now on
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
