Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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