Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
